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Brian Klein

A Mother's Lesson

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Do you remember the last time you spoke to your mother? If you do, when was that? Do you remember the last time you expressed how much you love her? and if so, when?

I am unsure if it is only me but I feel that we tend to have this habit of shying away from the expressing how important our mother and or our father is to us. I must admit that I am not used to expressing how much I love my parents. I seldom say those three little words: "I Love You". It is not because I am shy about using them, but rather, I have this mannerism about if I don't feel like saying it, you can never make me say it.

But that changed the moment I learned about my mother's diagnosis. It was November 2016 when the doctors confirmed that my mother had stage 3 ductal carcinoma ( stage 3 breast cancer). I knew that the chance of beating this illness was 50/50. now this didn't stop us from proceeding with the horrors that were to come, so, we followed the physician's advice. She went through the process of chemotherapy.

We knew, cancer was not easy to beat. We knew this would take all of my mother's will and desire to get well. For two years, she continued to fight against the big 'C'. We had urged from different people for her to continue with her required chemotherapy and medication. People were trying to help her in any way they could -- financially, morally, and even for her food.

Her co-church goers became more than a family to us. They were uplifting her spiritually whenever she felt like giving up. None of these people were our family, but they were there for her. I witnessed how these people became apart of her and I could not be more thankful for their generosity.

My mother lost her battle. Her body had given up and became weaker due to the high dosage of medication she received after two years of battling cancer. The hope the family had was still high until the very end since cancer didn't affect any of her other organs. There is and act in what we in our church feel is an act that represents god's request of us; 'our calling in life'. and I felt hers came last March 25, 2018.

It wasn't easy to accept. At this point It wasn't easy to, not, notice all the things she had done for me and my siblings. I know now it is too late to appreciate all the things my mother had done to their children. However, I must point out, one  tends to notice these little lessons a lot more when they aren't around us any longer.

I must admit, I miss every thing about my mother. I miss all the things she did whenever I would go and visit her. I miss all of her. I am not saying that I didn't appreciate everything she had done for me, I just realize nowadays, it did take this for me to understand appreciation, I miss her more now than ever.

I have noticed this is one of the things we tend to forget; we tend to forget to show appreciation with whatever our parents do for us when they are around. It isn't to late for those whose mothers are still around, for them to see this point of view. Take a moment to let your parents know how much you appreciated all their efforts and all they do for your life -  just to make sure that you are in a good position.

It has only been less than nine days since she left us permanently but I do miss my mother so. rest well.

- Michelle Dawson

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The last thing I said to my mother was 'goodbye' on the morning of her passing.

I believe that within the family group most people do not openly express their love for one another, it's just taken for granted as it is expressed everyday in so many different ways.  I find this sad, to a degree, because we 'should' tell our loved ones just how much they mean to us and how much we love them.  It's often expressed in ways beyond words, by deeds by seeing to their needs; all done without really thinking about it - we just do it 'because'.

I believe that showing love, compassion and appreciation to others is something that is dwindling fast - it's as you put it in another conversation, the 'me, me, me' factor.  I'm not advocating that all people are like that, but from what I have witnessed over the years it is fast becoming a growing trend. Perhaps it's because the family group is not as close as it used to be - most parents both work, both are the occupied with chores and both are knackered at the end of the day and if they have kids they're often just given what they want to keep them quiet and occupied.  And of course here in the UK we have those who become parents because it brings in extra money and they get almost everything for no effort.

Sometimes, though, love goes beyond words, words are just words unless they have something deep and meaningful behind them and when that deep and meaningfulness comes to the fore then words just fade away and the empathy and connected feeling kicks in.  I believe that is fast becoming a rarity within a family group.

But yeah, 'Goodbye' my last words and even now that still bites deeply when I am at a low ebb, but that's part of the human equation.

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14 hours ago, Dave Cobbledick said:

The last thing I said to my mother was 'goodbye' on the morning of her passing.

I must say. I admire you for telling us about her. I respect the way you handle the daily absence of her. You know that she is forever immortalized in your heart and mind (and now ours) and for that we are all grateful. 

14 hours ago, Dave Cobbledick said:

I believe that within the family group most people do not openly express their love for one another, it's just taken for granted as it is expressed everyday in so many different ways.

Yeah this is a sad thing people do. But, you are a shining example of why it is important to remember. And I will admit this; you are why as of late I constantly go in my mother's room and pester her. In a small way I  want to honor you and your mother by respecting mine daily. For this I really thank you.

14 hours ago, Dave Cobbledick said:

Perhaps it's because the family group is not as close as it used to be - most parents both work, both are the occupied with chores and both are knackered at the end of the day and if they have kids they're often just given what they want to keep them quiet and occupied. 

Yeah I have noticed this as well. I really am so glad we met, Dave, you remind me and show me consistently how to be (and what it means to be) a good person.

14 hours ago, Dave Cobbledick said:

And of course here in the UK we have those who become parents because it brings in extra money and they get almost everything for no effort.

We have programs out here that ate abused as well (called welfare).

15 hours ago, Dave Cobbledick said:

Sometimes, though, love goes beyond words, words are just words unless they have something deep and meaningful behind them and when that deep and meaningfulness comes to the fore then words just fade away and the empathy and connected feeling kicks in.  I believe that is fast becoming a rarity within a family group.

I can completely see that. I hate when some family members of mine say "I love you" - but not seeing that family member in a year when they love just down the street. It feels so emt so I don't say it back.

15 hours ago, Dave Cobbledick said:

But yeah, 'Goodbye' my last words and even now that still bites deeply when I am at a low ebb, but that's part of the human equation.

I do hope on some level I have been able to help fill that void. Dave I am so happy and honored having met you. 

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