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  1. Kristina Klein
    Latest Entry

    It has been an interesting last couple of months. The world seems to be falling apart from this supposed pandemic according to all the news stories of death and sickness. There has been so many statements about what to do and what not to, whether we are all really safe, and if this is even a real thing to begin with. Some take the time to spend with family, while others prepare for the worst and think the inevitable is coming --whatever that may be. 

    I just wanted to take a moment to say that no matter what is really going on out there in the world that we have to try and keep a positive attitude. I know that is easily said than done. I for one am very thankful that I still have a job and I am able to work from home. That is allows me to spend more quality time with my husband and mom in law, and gives me time to appreciate things in life like simply being healthy. I feel most people take that for granted. 

    I know there are really people out there that are hurting for money and are sick. I hope that they are able to get well and get help from others in their time of need. I feel we are very fortunate to be some of the ones that are doing okay through all this.

    One thing I know for certain is that people will not stay locked in their houses forever and there will come a time when they just move on with or without government permission. It's going to get crazy before it gets better. But it will get better. 

    Stay strong, stay positive, and keep love going. We all need it right now. 

     

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    Recent Entries

    Where to begin!? Hhhmmm. Well, March 25,2020 is one of the best days of my life. Trying to get back to a normal life without the heavy uncertain weight on my shoulders. As of this day mom IS CANCER FREE! It's been a living hell of uncertain results! The waves of different emotions from North, South, East & West! Everything in between! Now that we have this amazing news trying to get back to a normal life step by step. I'm positive it will take quite awhile to get there. So, happy days ahead. 

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    Recent Entries

    Allison Soto
    Latest Entry

    The last few weeks I've found myself wondering why I'm even here! My daughter and husband don't need me. So I've been told. Sure maybe it was out of anger but, non the less it hit straight to my soul. Every day I have had to wake up get my daughter up just to endure her yelling and disobeying me, Honestly, I'd rather just let her sleep in. At least that way I'd get less of the hate. I dread when 2-4 comes around in the afternoon cause that's when my husband comes home. The innuendos begin. Grabbing sneak peaks and touches whether I want it or not. Being told, Hey I love you, but I know the truth. I love my husband and I love my daughter. They ARE my world! But, lately it's so hard to want to wake up and do anything. 

    I have, been working in my garden, and when I try to get them to help, well if you've watched my video you can see how well my husband takes it. I feel so safe and alive when I'm in the garden. Though, that ends once I have to come back in. I hate it! I wish I could just live in my garden! I'm stupid I know. Well anyhow, don't even know where this journal was suppose to go, but hey who am I? Loves Y'all and Big Hugs

     

    :05: 

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    Recent Entries

    Paige Balan
    Latest Entry

    I'm trying to be a better person. I ended last year being a bitter, crabby, resentful person. I woke up pissed off, ate lunch pissed off, went to bed pissed off, repeated. Day in and day out. Today I decided that I can't keep living in anger and annoyance all the time. It really is exhausting being irked by every single little thing, and then the anger only keeps me awake at night. I'm already exhausted enough from dealing with general insomnia. Do I really need to add to it?

    It may take some getting used to on my end, but I'm trying. There's no point in getting irrationally upset at things that can't be controlled or aren't going to change. I'm not saying I'll be perfect at this new mindset, but I can at least try.

  2. Jay Demello
    Latest Entry

    I been asking myself that question since i started the Chemo. I don't know who i'm asking, but it starts a verification in my mind going over all the things i've said and done to people through out my life. I feel like i understand people better, the way they act, what they say what they do and how they are going to feel when i say or do something with them. I understand why i did things wrong when i knew it wasn't right. Am i done yet? have i learned what i was supposed to learn ?  I feel i have and its like i'm just waiting to die now. Does things just go dark? or do we float out our bodies and meet with someone thats going to explain to us why we had to go through all this crap. I was never rich, I have never met a truely happy rich person. I've had an apartment, a truck, my own business for years, i've lived in a tent for two years. I have always felt the same feelings... good at times... bad at times....always more interested in why other people do what they do. I found faults in people ( in my opinion ) and always thought.... why aren't they like me ?. Did i judge people and find things i didn't like, to make me feel better about myself?

     I am finally at a point nearing the end of my life, that it's not about what people think of me, and it's not about what i find wrong with other people. It's about Me learning how to get through this all. Why wasn't i told all this when i was a young kid ? and then i could have started with a better understanding how to live this life? maybe i was told but i chose not to listen to my parents because i always thought i knew or i would figure it out myself.

    I get 4-5 blood tests a month now, and they moved my MRI's to once a month instead of 6 months, and i will be starting my 3rd round of Chemo very soon. Why are the doctors trying to save me ? and why am i allowing this? I feel like i'm just laying here in bed daily doing nothing but waiting to die. I'm not really depressed ( in my opinion ) I just feel like i'm done! there's really left to study that will benefit me in the future. I'm just keeping myself busy so i don't go stir-crazy.  I would never kill myself, that's just bailing out of this life because it's too hard to deal with. Ok i have delt with it, liked some things, disliked some things, learned alot of stuff. Am i done yet ?

     

  3. I am reminded of that momentariness of the journey, that lonely walk; we all will take at some point in our lives. I am reminded of this perversion of life, on a daily basis. Most people will never experience the daily reminder of how precious they really are, or how life really is - this amazing journey through what can only be described as the cavern of time and space.

    Today we send our love and respect to Helen Taft, the loss of a monument of experience, and life; an elderly woman not known to many, but she affected everyone who had the pleasure to meet and get to know her intimately, in some way. To me, she was a pillar of life; I will remember her laugh most of all. The laugh of an angel who endured life and kept on, keeping on, rest well Helen.

    Not two days ago her son came to me requesting I speak with my connections in getting her into Hospice. I knew, at that point, it was only days. She was well aware of her cancer, and by now, this being the fourth fight with, her demon, cancer; by now she was exhausted from the fight, having gone to her house to make sure the request asked of me, was indeed, the one she wanted, I watched as she had a hard time gasping between breaths. I won't claim to understand her thoughts, but I do understand her plight, having had this monster twice myself by 18, and don't get me wrong; I question why i am even alive on a daily basis, because even I should not be here.

    If I could relay just one message to anyone who hears or sees the daily content we provide it would be that while you sit here reading this entry - Think on the positive nature of life and remember that life is to be cherished. And for the love of all that is alive; Live, love, laugh (A lot) and, know you are loved. This life is short, and you are here only the blink of an eye, understand this well.

    Remember to reflect on your own timeline. What have you done to improve yourself in the eyes of others? It is their memories of you that will endure the passage of time. It is how you lived that will reflect on how people remember you.

    Helen you will be missed, but may Mark escort you to peace, the relaxing adventure awaits. You both are greatly missed.

    On a small side note I would like to throw in the Suicide Prevention information in the Sources, having only heard of this today, a gentleman a few days back, shot himself in desperation and had no one to talk to. Remember these feelings are only temporary. George, may your soul find peace.

    - Brian

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